Trauma Bonding

       I guess that’s what I’m going through. My husband is in jail, I only found out through his EX-wife, who seems to know more about what he’s up to than I do. Six nights or more ago she called the police on him from three hours away. I don’t agree with what she did. She knew he was drunk and that wasn’t gonna end well. 

Anyway, it’s been a year since we separated. I’d gotten all this “strength” back. So why am I breaking apart all over again? Like he just left. Why am I sitting here feeling sorry for him? Wanting to save him? He’s a monster; I don’t need to be told. He doesn’t deserve to have me crying over him. But that impeccable urge to run and protect him is overwhelming. I’m just pissed at myself because I never would have thought I’d be time warped back to that feeling of when he had just left. I’ve read one of the things you don’t do is bash the abuser to the victim: it will only make the bond stronger. How long is this shit gonna last?!?? A year is really nothing when it comes to recovering from them, is it? Before I get lectured, I’m not stupid I can’t afford his bail. (Well I can but he’d screw me over without blinking)