Remember

Yes, I do still think about you. I especially think about you on holidays. I think about how you always had to either ruin them or be the center of superb greatness. Like the Thanksgiving you cooked half the day, remember?- back when you were still showing me how perfect you were? Typically though, you … Continue reading Remember

This Week

It feels inevitable now; Just when the light begins to shine brighter, an eclipse begins again. This was a bad week. This was a "hide the knives from the eight year old" week. This was a "holy shit, this can't be happening!" week. This was a "oh look, another fake profile just to remind me … Continue reading This Week

Guess Who’s Back

.......and wants divorce papers. Hahahahaha!!! I just paid off my attorney from the 3 county wild goose chase to end up NOT having him successfully served for custody. Did he honestly think I'd chase him all over Georgia? However I politely replied that his state has attorneys as well, and I'd sign papers without any … Continue reading Guess Who’s Back

Memory Lane…..literally 

I was working, which involves going to people's houses. I had been asked to go to a city a distance away and I wasn't at all happy about it. As I was getting closer though I realized I was headed straight for our old "stomping grounds". Where he lived, where his best friend lived, where … Continue reading Memory Lane…..literally 

Welcome Back

"What the fuck?" stopped covering it a long time ago. Seriously. I could ask myself "is he serious?" But the answer is always YES. So I got on a dating site awhile back......if you haven't done this and you actually want to meet a "nice guy", don't bother. If you are looking for A+ entertainment....go … Continue reading Welcome Back

A Year Ago Today…..

Exactly one year ago, almost to the hour, my husband left........... He discovered weeks and weeks of attempts (from various tactics) had not stopped me from meeting with my attorney that afternoon.  He made sure to have an audience (i.e.; every child in this house) as he flew through the house packing, telling them he … Continue reading A Year Ago Today…..

He Was A Busy Bee

It's been 9 months and I'm still baffled by the crap I find out. I stopped looking long ago but every once in awhile a nugget of "holy shit" information falls into my lap. While I was sleeping (instead of drinking and acting like a damn fool) my darling husband was calling people and pouring … Continue reading He Was A Busy Bee

Round and Round

I don't really give a shit what you want to call it anymore. PTSD, C-PTSD, narcisstic abuse syndrome; it's all the same hell. You're on a hamster wheel and you can't get off. You go through all the stages of grief and think you're ok or at least headed in that direction, but FUCK NO! … Continue reading Round and Round

And Life Keeps Going

I'm still fucked up in ways most people can't imagine. I am multiple people and nobody knows or sees the full me. I still have bad dreams and panic attacks. I still feel alone most of the time and terribly misunderstood. I desperately want to feel safe, but trust no one and nothing. Everything I … Continue reading And Life Keeps Going

Drunk Much

I think he's mad. Just kidding; i know he is! I sent him the papers for custody court over his son. I would call this an over reaction at best. HE has legal custody of his son, if he gave a shit this would be playing out different. However, it's more fun to say your … Continue reading Drunk Much

Happiness

I'm having this moment. Of actual happiness and I wanted to write it down before it went away. To remember that it's possible. I have a good friend back in my life that he made sure to cut me off from. I started seeing somebody who hasn't started off anything like my ex. So I'm … Continue reading Happiness

Cognitive Dissonance 

Thanks to the darling husband, I've been able to expand my educational horizon. "Cognitive dissonance is a concept in social psychology. It is the discomfort felt by a person who holds conflicting ideas, beliefs or values at the same time. In this state, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment. Reacting to this … Continue reading Cognitive Dissonance 

Never Again 

😳 OMG. They DO all go to the same class!! I saw this guy TWICE. I asked him a question he didn't like and he went off on me. I recognized too many words from a script I've been in before. I left him alone per his request. True to narsisstic form; they want you … Continue reading Never Again 

It’s In The Eyes

He came over last week sometime and he was just sitting in front of me and I could see him working up the tears......and it hit me! His eyes aren't blue anymore! They are gray, and the center seems much more deeply black and empty. It took me by surprise to the point where I … Continue reading It’s In The Eyes

Happy Anniversary 

One year ago. Today. I married the man I am now separated from. I thought I'd be indifferent today, but I'm not. I'd like to crawl into a closet with a bottle of wine, or two or three. At the same time, I guess marrying me actually did me a favor. It gave him the … Continue reading Happy Anniversary 

That’s A Wrap!

When they no longer need you for anything; that's it. Nothing. No calls. No texts. No goodbye. That's just it. You can feel it in your heart or soul or whatever. The emptiness. And that's what came to mind......... You're standing there and you find out you were on a movie set and he was … Continue reading That’s A Wrap!

Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

I was at work a few days ago and having a hard time focusing, thinking, interacting, ect (I understand this to be part of PTSD) I had a co-worker who is not aware of the current events taking place in my life, she just could tell it was a bad day. She was talking and … Continue reading Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

Open Letter to the Rest of the World

It seems as though I have people in my life that think I write this for them. Well, I don't. I've been told stop writing everything and "move on". Stop talking about it so much, it really just needs to be put in the past so you can "move on". Yeah, what an asshole, you … Continue reading Open Letter to the Rest of the World

The Game Changed

So I'm at the tail end of a new game. Once again, one I was too stupid to realize I was playing. He figured out the old game wasn't going to work. That he was indeed not coming back here. So he completely changed the game and tactic. He continues to take advantage in every … Continue reading The Game Changed