Happy Anniversary 

One year ago. Today. I married the man I am now separated from. I thought I'd be indifferent today, but I'm not. I'd like to crawl into a closet with a bottle of wine, or two or three. At the same time, I guess marrying me actually did me a favor. It gave him the … Continue reading Happy Anniversary 

That’s A Wrap!

When they no longer need you for anything; that's it. Nothing. No calls. No texts. No goodbye. That's just it. You can feel it in your heart or soul or whatever. The emptiness. And that's what came to mind......... You're standing there and you find out you were on a movie set and he was … Continue reading That’s A Wrap!

Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

I was at work a few days ago and having a hard time focusing, thinking, interacting, ect (I understand this to be part of PTSD) I had a co-worker who is not aware of the current events taking place in my life, she just could tell it was a bad day. She was talking and … Continue reading Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

Open Letter to the Rest of the World

It seems as though I have people in my life that think I write this for them. Well, I don't. I've been told stop writing everything and "move on". Stop talking about it so much, it really just needs to be put in the past so you can "move on". Yeah, what an asshole, you … Continue reading Open Letter to the Rest of the World

The Power Of Guilt

 There are days I wake up feeling guilty. I have to think hard for awhile to come up with a source for that guilt. Guilt for me has always been a confusing emotion. It's like a bad heartbreak and you just want it to stop. If you can get the source of the guilt, it's … Continue reading The Power Of Guilt

They Are Great Victims

There's another side of the coin I haven't even touched on. If they can manipulate the ones closest to them, imagine what they can do when it comes to your friends, your family, your co-workers, and anyone else they see fit. That begins to play into your "compliance". When you watch them in action working … Continue reading They Are Great Victims

Leaving…..

"Escaping from the relationship There are four ways that you escape from a relationship with a sociopath They die They get sent to jail They find a new source of supply You escape and hope that they will not hunt you down A sociopath will not leave his latest victim, unless this is forced (through … Continue reading Leaving…..

Alone

That's what I feel like, I'm just alone. And over something that should be easy.....I can't find anyone to watch my kids so I can go to work. That's why he was here all last weekend. I have a good job; and I'm about to lose it. Because of his bullshit. Now that I'm getting … Continue reading Alone

Panic Attack #3

He was at the house this weekend watching two of the kids so I could go to work. I don't like it and I don't feel comfortable, but I have few choices. I came home after 12 hours of work and all I wanted was my routine. But it was all thrown off; he was … Continue reading Panic Attack #3

It’s Like Hurricanes

This morning it dawned on me that this is like living on the coast where you get a hurricane every damn day. At first you board everything up and make sure everyone and everything is safe. And then bam, it gets knocked down. So you fix it all back close to what it was, and … Continue reading It’s Like Hurricanes

Happy New Year?? 

My husband came over tonight, it's New Year's Eve afterall and we've been "getting along". He got irritated that the two year old wanted something and I was busy. It was a small split second typical reaction from him, and he even cut it down himself. But it triggered a whole cascade of torture I … Continue reading Happy New Year?? 

Never A Dull Moment

I tend to think I can set a boundary and stick to it. HOWEVER, he will find a way around it, whether it's over, under, whatever. Eventually (and usually not gradually) i find myself in the same damn conversations. Didn't you just hate me a few weeks ago? Wasn't it 2 days ago that you … Continue reading Never A Dull Moment

Is It An Addiction?

Sadly, I believe the answer is yes. I've spent four years taken down, crying and just knowing this time was the end and I needed to face that. Then he'd come back and declare how much he loved us and we just have to make this work. Until next time I was crying and hurt … Continue reading Is It An Addiction?

The Rabbit Hole

9/2011 So how did I get on this road? I met him when I was 23. I adored him as a friend at the time and it was always great to see him and talk to him. He got married and drifted in and out of our lives.......with a lot of left out story; basically … Continue reading The Rabbit Hole