A Year Ago Today…..

Exactly one year ago, almost to the hour, my husband left........... He discovered weeks and weeks of attempts (from various tactics) had not stopped me from meeting with my attorney that afternoon.  He made sure to have an audience (i.e.; every child in this house) as he flew through the house packing, telling them he … Continue reading A Year Ago Today…..

Happy Anniversary 

One year ago. Today. I married the man I am now separated from. I thought I'd be indifferent today, but I'm not. I'd like to crawl into a closet with a bottle of wine, or two or three. At the same time, I guess marrying me actually did me a favor. It gave him the … Continue reading Happy Anniversary 

That’s A Wrap!

When they no longer need you for anything; that's it. Nothing. No calls. No texts. No goodbye. That's just it. You can feel it in your heart or soul or whatever. The emptiness. And that's what came to mind......... You're standing there and you find out you were on a movie set and he was … Continue reading That’s A Wrap!

Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

I was at work a few days ago and having a hard time focusing, thinking, interacting, ect (I understand this to be part of PTSD) I had a co-worker who is not aware of the current events taking place in my life, she just could tell it was a bad day. She was talking and … Continue reading Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

Open Letter to the Rest of the World

It seems as though I have people in my life that think I write this for them. Well, I don't. I've been told stop writing everything and "move on". Stop talking about it so much, it really just needs to be put in the past so you can "move on". Yeah, what an asshole, you … Continue reading Open Letter to the Rest of the World

The Game Changed

So I'm at the tail end of a new game. Once again, one I was too stupid to realize I was playing. He figured out the old game wasn't going to work. That he was indeed not coming back here. So he completely changed the game and tactic. He continues to take advantage in every … Continue reading The Game Changed

Nothing New To See Here

He won't bother to make a plan to see his children. I ask him, too much in fact. Oh, he's just been busy.....working his ass off. He's gonna have a phone and car in the morning. And "his own" place in six days! Yes, I made the shitty comment "you wanted to see your kids … Continue reading Nothing New To See Here

The Blame Game

When you realize YOU just became the back up plan. Discarding ME meant discarding his children. The ones that "he misses so much". And he got a job, but I refuse to believe from sun up to sun down he's there every single day. Anyway, he was supposed to watch the kids tomorrow so I … Continue reading The Blame Game

Honor Thy Father?

This is the shortened conversation I had with him regarding his son. Me-you need to talk to his mother. Him-I have nothing to say to that bitch. Me-you actually have to come up with some kind of parenting agreement. Him-tough shit, you handle since you think you know what's best for everyone. Me-YOU are his … Continue reading Honor Thy Father?

The Power Of Guilt

 There are days I wake up feeling guilty. I have to think hard for awhile to come up with a source for that guilt. Guilt for me has always been a confusing emotion. It's like a bad heartbreak and you just want it to stop. If you can get the source of the guilt, it's … Continue reading The Power Of Guilt

Leaving…..

"Escaping from the relationship There are four ways that you escape from a relationship with a sociopath They die They get sent to jail They find a new source of supply You escape and hope that they will not hunt you down A sociopath will not leave his latest victim, unless this is forced (through … Continue reading Leaving…..

Alone

That's what I feel like, I'm just alone. And over something that should be easy.....I can't find anyone to watch my kids so I can go to work. That's why he was here all last weekend. I have a good job; and I'm about to lose it. Because of his bullshit. Now that I'm getting … Continue reading Alone

See How That Happened? 

August 24, 2015 Monday He said he was going to get an apartment today and he had an appt at 2pm. He also stated that his ex had texted him and wanted to come see their son before leaving the city. He told her fine and wanted to know what time she was coming. He … Continue reading See How That Happened? 

Never A Dull Moment

I tend to think I can set a boundary and stick to it. HOWEVER, he will find a way around it, whether it's over, under, whatever. Eventually (and usually not gradually) i find myself in the same damn conversations. Didn't you just hate me a few weeks ago? Wasn't it 2 days ago that you … Continue reading Never A Dull Moment

Is It An Addiction?

Sadly, I believe the answer is yes. I've spent four years taken down, crying and just knowing this time was the end and I needed to face that. Then he'd come back and declare how much he loved us and we just have to make this work. Until next time I was crying and hurt … Continue reading Is It An Addiction?

Fly-By-Night

Everytime I think I'm "ok" he swoops through to make sure I'm not. He was nearby up until a few days ago. I didn't know he was running off AGAIN. He won't tell me where he is because he "doesn't trust me". Haha!! Really? He trusted me just fine when he "conned" me into going … Continue reading Fly-By-Night

Just Another Dumb Game

He's been very elusive the last several days. He's "got a plan" to "fix his shit". Ok, what "shit" might he be referring to? And what's this plan? Oh, he doesn't want to tell me because if it doesn't work out, he doesn't want to be called a liar yet again. Hey Einstein!!........I wouldn't call … Continue reading Just Another Dumb Game

Just Another Drunken Tale

December 2011 About 3 years or so ago he left and ended up in downtown. I think we had been arguing and he said he just needed to get away. He called me up to inform me he was staying at a hotel for a few days 😳 WHAT?!? Thanks for the warning. He apparently … Continue reading Just Another Drunken Tale