Cognitive Dissonance 

Thanks to the darling husband, I've been able to expand my educational horizon. "Cognitive dissonance is a concept in social psychology. It is the discomfort felt by a person who holds conflicting ideas, beliefs or values at the same time. In this state, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment. Reacting to this … Continue reading Cognitive Dissonance 

Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

I was at work a few days ago and having a hard time focusing, thinking, interacting, ect (I understand this to be part of PTSD) I had a co-worker who is not aware of the current events taking place in my life, she just could tell it was a bad day. She was talking and … Continue reading Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

Open Letter to the Rest of the World

It seems as though I have people in my life that think I write this for them. Well, I don't. I've been told stop writing everything and "move on". Stop talking about it so much, it really just needs to be put in the past so you can "move on". Yeah, what an asshole, you … Continue reading Open Letter to the Rest of the World

They Are Great Victims

There's another side of the coin I haven't even touched on. If they can manipulate the ones closest to them, imagine what they can do when it comes to your friends, your family, your co-workers, and anyone else they see fit. That begins to play into your "compliance". When you watch them in action working … Continue reading They Are Great Victims

“His World” I Just Live In It

I get to spend another weekend with this man. He's a controlling jerk. He can go WEEKS without even asking about his kids, and now he's wanting to stay with them every weekend because that's what he should be doing. He is full of shit. I love how this works; You haven't even bothered to … Continue reading “His World” I Just Live In It

Leaving…..

"Escaping from the relationship There are four ways that you escape from a relationship with a sociopath They die They get sent to jail They find a new source of supply You escape and hope that they will not hunt you down A sociopath will not leave his latest victim, unless this is forced (through … Continue reading Leaving…..

Alone

That's what I feel like, I'm just alone. And over something that should be easy.....I can't find anyone to watch my kids so I can go to work. That's why he was here all last weekend. I have a good job; and I'm about to lose it. Because of his bullshit. Now that I'm getting … Continue reading Alone

The Voice

There's a certain tone he gets sometimes. It's calm and rational. It's a mix of concern and sad. It's a higher pitch than normal. It's sweet and caring. It's attentive and always asking what's wrong or can I get you anything. It's a different voice than the one that he has almost everyday. From the … Continue reading The Voice

Save Me

I gave the devil my hand and now he's dragging me back to hell. Only now I know what hell looks like and I don't want to go.

Panic Attack #2

How many will I have to have before I can no longer number them? I don't want to find out. So #2, it was through text, he made a comment about spanking me. Yes, it was in a sexual connotation. No, I really didn't give a shit. Until I realized he was dead serious. And … Continue reading Panic Attack #2

Happy New Year?? 

My husband came over tonight, it's New Year's Eve afterall and we've been "getting along". He got irritated that the two year old wanted something and I was busy. It was a small split second typical reaction from him, and he even cut it down himself. But it triggered a whole cascade of torture I … Continue reading Happy New Year?? 

Is It An Addiction?

Sadly, I believe the answer is yes. I've spent four years taken down, crying and just knowing this time was the end and I needed to face that. Then he'd come back and declare how much he loved us and we just have to make this work. Until next time I was crying and hurt … Continue reading Is It An Addiction?

Fly-By-Night

Everytime I think I'm "ok" he swoops through to make sure I'm not. He was nearby up until a few days ago. I didn't know he was running off AGAIN. He won't tell me where he is because he "doesn't trust me". Haha!! Really? He trusted me just fine when he "conned" me into going … Continue reading Fly-By-Night

Summer Fun

July 15, 2015 He was outside with a friend. He came into the house every 30 minutes or so and smelled like alcohol. I tried to ignore his presence but each time he would come into the bedroom and have more crap to say about how awful I am. This went on for several hours. … Continue reading Summer Fun

July 12, 2015

July 12, 2015, Sunday I got home from work and had planned to pick the boys up in the morning, which he immediately thought was "suspicious". As soon as I walked in he wanted to "talk". I was tired, 12 hours in the ER is a super long day. He gets pissed when you don't … Continue reading July 12, 2015

The Man I Fell In Love With

He was funny, good looking, charming, romantic. He was exactly what my  perpetually insecure little brain needed. He was always willing to reassure me, he would text me those texts every giddy school girl wants; good morning, goodnight. He made me feel beautiful and sexy and truly wanted. He was patient with me when I'd … Continue reading The Man I Fell In Love With

Devaluing

There comes a point when you have to face what you already know. It becomes clearer and clearer just how soulless they are. You can deny it and they will just keep feeding off of you. They will take everything that you value, including what you value about yourself. The two things I'm proud of … Continue reading Devaluing

The Box In The Closet

Didn't you see the red flags? Yes. Why did you ignore them? Because I loved him deeply. I put them in a box and placed it in a hidden part of the closet. Four years , a daughter and a marriage later, I confronted one by one all the red flags I ignored or rationalized … Continue reading The Box In The Closet