The Blame Game

When you realize YOU just became the back up plan. Discarding ME meant discarding his children. The ones that "he misses so much". And he got a job, but I refuse to believe from sun up to sun down he's there every single day. Anyway, he was supposed to watch the kids tomorrow so I … Continue reading The Blame Game

The Voice

There's a certain tone he gets sometimes. It's calm and rational. It's a mix of concern and sad. It's a higher pitch than normal. It's sweet and caring. It's attentive and always asking what's wrong or can I get you anything. It's a different voice than the one that he has almost everyday. From the … Continue reading The Voice

Save Me

I gave the devil my hand and now he's dragging me back to hell. Only now I know what hell looks like and I don't want to go.

Panic Attack #2

How many will I have to have before I can no longer number them? I don't want to find out. So #2, it was through text, he made a comment about spanking me. Yes, it was in a sexual connotation. No, I really didn't give a shit. Until I realized he was dead serious. And … Continue reading Panic Attack #2

Is It An Addiction?

Sadly, I believe the answer is yes. I've spent four years taken down, crying and just knowing this time was the end and I needed to face that. Then he'd come back and declare how much he loved us and we just have to make this work. Until next time I was crying and hurt … Continue reading Is It An Addiction?

A Special Kind Of Stupid

That's me. Always forgiving. Always optimistic. Always a dumbass. I'm not sure what else I can say except I can't make it stop if I don't stop talking to him!! And "let's try rebuilding the friend part" isn't working. But now I've heard how he's about to run out of money. Holy hell, where have … Continue reading A Special Kind Of Stupid

Really?

I wasn't trying to get back on this roller coaster. In fact, I don't even want to go to the fair. But here I am. Why? Because I'm a dumbass. He came over to see the kids.........and to plead for "redemption". That ship has sailed. It's even in the Bermuda Triangle! He's using the same … Continue reading Really?

The Man I Fell In Love With

He was funny, good looking, charming, romantic. He was exactly what my  perpetually insecure little brain needed. He was always willing to reassure me, he would text me those texts every giddy school girl wants; good morning, goodnight. He made me feel beautiful and sexy and truly wanted. He was patient with me when I'd … Continue reading The Man I Fell In Love With

Devaluing

There comes a point when you have to face what you already know. It becomes clearer and clearer just how soulless they are. You can deny it and they will just keep feeding off of you. They will take everything that you value, including what you value about yourself. The two things I'm proud of … Continue reading Devaluing