I've spent two days allowing myself to be scared of FB and the shit storm Id get if I opened my mouth (like everyone else freely does). I've panicked and flashbacked and been made to feel foolish and mocked and dramatic. I've cried for two days watching someone I very much look up to spend … Continue reading The Elephant in the Room
I guess that's what I'm going through. My husband is in jail, I only found out through his EX-wife, who seems to know more about what he's up to than I do. Six nights or more ago she called the police on him from three hours away. I don't agree with what … Continue reading Trauma Bonding
Exactly one year ago, almost to the hour, my husband left........... He discovered weeks and weeks of attempts (from various tactics) had not stopped me from meeting with my attorney that afternoon. He made sure to have an audience (i.e.; every child in this house) as he flew through the house packing, telling them he … Continue reading A Year Ago Today…..
I think it was July or August when he started questioning my location at just the right moment. He made life hell one morning as I was leaving for work (I wrote about it awhile back). After finally falling apart, a co-worker told me to go downtown and talk to the magistrate. I discovered they … Continue reading Gotta Love Technology
I am weeks away from hitting that moment one year ago where he left in a blaze of glory. Why am I still on this fucking roller coaster? Why am I ok for weeks, long enough to think I'm ok, just to go all the back to square one? I'm not ok. My children are … Continue reading Reflections of the Day
I read in support groups a lot from the victim that states they can't keep going, there's no end in sight, they'll be tortured forever. I just have to say; I almost agree. It's HARD to keep going, the end is never in sight but the onslaught of daily torture at least eases up quite … Continue reading This Too Shall Pass
I got the message a lot of us recognize. Some of us have written it. Some of us have received it. The one that comes from the new supply, the new perfect love interest, the new angel waiting to save the day. The now desperate one looking for answers, looking to have their questions answered … Continue reading The Infamous Message
So I got blessed out by my stepsons mothers boyfriend.......first of all; who the fuck is he? Nobody. Not a single important human in my life. Second; I have little respect for a woman who can't handle her own shit or let's a man take over just so he can assert his asshole-ness. Why did … Continue reading Say WHAT?
I think the hardest thing I deal with these days is wondering when or if I'll ever forgive myself as a mother. I look at pictures of my 6 year old who was so happy and carefree 4 years ago. He was barely 2 when my husband and I got together, so … Continue reading The Lives They Ruin
It's been 9 months and I'm still baffled by the crap I find out. I stopped looking long ago but every once in awhile a nugget of "holy shit" information falls into my lap. While I was sleeping (instead of drinking and acting like a damn fool) my darling husband was calling people and pouring … Continue reading He Was A Busy Bee
Children don't escape without battle wounds too. My daughter is two, I remember after I worked all weekend her behavior would be so bizarre on Mondays. She'd get upset and immediately go run to her bed. I also remember seeing her crying and pointing to her potty training seat and she just kept repeating "I … Continue reading The Smallest Victims
I don't really give a shit what you want to call it anymore. PTSD, C-PTSD, narcisstic abuse syndrome; it's all the same hell. You're on a hamster wheel and you can't get off. You go through all the stages of grief and think you're ok or at least headed in that direction, but FUCK NO! … Continue reading Round and Round
I'm still fucked up in ways most people can't imagine. I am multiple people and nobody knows or sees the full me. I still have bad dreams and panic attacks. I still feel alone most of the time and terribly misunderstood. I desperately want to feel safe, but trust no one and nothing. Everything I … Continue reading And Life Keeps Going
I think he's mad. Just kidding; i know he is! I sent him the papers for custody court over his son. I would call this an over reaction at best. HE has legal custody of his son, if he gave a shit this would be playing out different. However, it's more fun to say your … Continue reading Drunk Much
I'm having this moment. Of actual happiness and I wanted to write it down before it went away. To remember that it's possible. I have a good friend back in my life that he made sure to cut me off from. I started seeing somebody who hasn't started off anything like my ex. So I'm … Continue reading Happiness
Thanks to the darling husband, I've been able to expand my educational horizon. "Cognitive dissonance is a concept in social psychology. It is the discomfort felt by a person who holds conflicting ideas, beliefs or values at the same time. In this state, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment. Reacting to this … Continue reading Cognitive Dissonance
😳 OMG. They DO all go to the same class!! I saw this guy TWICE. I asked him a question he didn't like and he went off on me. I recognized too many words from a script I've been in before. I left him alone per his request. True to narsisstic form; they want you … Continue reading Never Again
He came over last week sometime and he was just sitting in front of me and I could see him working up the tears......and it hit me! His eyes aren't blue anymore! They are gray, and the center seems much more deeply black and empty. It took me by surprise to the point where I … Continue reading It’s In The Eyes
One year ago. Today. I married the man I am now separated from. I thought I'd be indifferent today, but I'm not. I'd like to crawl into a closet with a bottle of wine, or two or three. At the same time, I guess marrying me actually did me a favor. It gave him the … Continue reading Happy Anniversary
When they no longer need you for anything; that's it. Nothing. No calls. No texts. No goodbye. That's just it. You can feel it in your heart or soul or whatever. The emptiness. And that's what came to mind......... You're standing there and you find out you were on a movie set and he was … Continue reading That’s A Wrap!