Trauma Bonding

       I guess that's what I'm going through. My husband is in jail, I only found out through his EX-wife, who seems to know more about what he's up to than I do. Six nights or more ago she called the police on him from three hours away. I don't agree with what … Continue reading Trauma Bonding

This Too Shall Pass

I read in support groups a lot from the victim that states they can't keep going, there's no end in sight, they'll be tortured forever. I just have to say; I almost agree. It's HARD to keep going, the end is never in sight but the onslaught of daily torture at least eases up quite … Continue reading This Too Shall Pass

Happy Anniversary 

One year ago. Today. I married the man I am now separated from. I thought I'd be indifferent today, but I'm not. I'd like to crawl into a closet with a bottle of wine, or two or three. At the same time, I guess marrying me actually did me a favor. It gave him the … Continue reading Happy Anniversary 

The Power Of Guilt

 There are days I wake up feeling guilty. I have to think hard for awhile to come up with a source for that guilt. Guilt for me has always been a confusing emotion. It's like a bad heartbreak and you just want it to stop. If you can get the source of the guilt, it's … Continue reading The Power Of Guilt

Infinite Headache

Last night I had to go get him of course and it was dark and raining. He wanted me to stop at the store. I can barely see at night, much less in rain. So I see blinking lights ahead and ask what is that. We approached it and it was a street sign, but … Continue reading Infinite Headache

They Are Great Victims

There's another side of the coin I haven't even touched on. If they can manipulate the ones closest to them, imagine what they can do when it comes to your friends, your family, your co-workers, and anyone else they see fit. That begins to play into your "compliance". When you watch them in action working … Continue reading They Are Great Victims

“His World” I Just Live In It

I get to spend another weekend with this man. He's a controlling jerk. He can go WEEKS without even asking about his kids, and now he's wanting to stay with them every weekend because that's what he should be doing. He is full of shit. I love how this works; You haven't even bothered to … Continue reading “His World” I Just Live In It

Just Listen!

Just listen to what I try to say. I can't put into words what it is that I've gone through or continue to go through with him. I'm tired of the typical garden variety answers and "suggestions". Everything you say to me is truly "NO SHIT!!" in my head. That doesn't change what is the … Continue reading Just Listen!

Alone

That's what I feel like, I'm just alone. And over something that should be easy.....I can't find anyone to watch my kids so I can go to work. That's why he was here all last weekend. I have a good job; and I'm about to lose it. Because of his bullshit. Now that I'm getting … Continue reading Alone

Panic Attack #3

He was at the house this weekend watching two of the kids so I could go to work. I don't like it and I don't feel comfortable, but I have few choices. I came home after 12 hours of work and all I wanted was my routine. But it was all thrown off; he was … Continue reading Panic Attack #3

The Voice

There's a certain tone he gets sometimes. It's calm and rational. It's a mix of concern and sad. It's a higher pitch than normal. It's sweet and caring. It's attentive and always asking what's wrong or can I get you anything. It's a different voice than the one that he has almost everyday. From the … Continue reading The Voice

Save Me

I gave the devil my hand and now he's dragging me back to hell. Only now I know what hell looks like and I don't want to go.

Panic Attack #2

How many will I have to have before I can no longer number them? I don't want to find out. So #2, it was through text, he made a comment about spanking me. Yes, it was in a sexual connotation. No, I really didn't give a shit. Until I realized he was dead serious. And … Continue reading Panic Attack #2

It’s Like Hurricanes

This morning it dawned on me that this is like living on the coast where you get a hurricane every damn day. At first you board everything up and make sure everyone and everything is safe. And then bam, it gets knocked down. So you fix it all back close to what it was, and … Continue reading It’s Like Hurricanes

Happy New Year?? 

My husband came over tonight, it's New Year's Eve afterall and we've been "getting along". He got irritated that the two year old wanted something and I was busy. It was a small split second typical reaction from him, and he even cut it down himself. But it triggered a whole cascade of torture I … Continue reading Happy New Year?? 

Is It An Addiction?

Sadly, I believe the answer is yes. I've spent four years taken down, crying and just knowing this time was the end and I needed to face that. Then he'd come back and declare how much he loved us and we just have to make this work. Until next time I was crying and hurt … Continue reading Is It An Addiction?