I Know You

I got a friend request from a bizarre profile on Facebook. Not the first time at all. But I wondered what had triggered this recent round of "let me screw with my wife". His birthday was a few days ago and someone I know felt the need to reach out and see how he was … Continue reading I Know You

Let’s Talk Dysfunction 

A few weeks ago I was sitting in my house and a few of the kids were nearby when my phone rang. I looked at it and thought my insides would hit the floor. I said "what the hell!?" "Omg!" "Holy shit!!" All the typical things I'm apt to say. Who was it? My "father … Continue reading Let’s Talk Dysfunction 

Gotta Love Technology

I think it was July or August when he started questioning my location at just the right moment. He made life hell one morning as I was leaving for work (I wrote about it awhile back). After finally falling apart, a co-worker told me to go downtown and talk to the magistrate. I discovered they … Continue reading Gotta Love Technology

The Infamous Message

I got the message a lot of us recognize. Some of us have written it. Some of us have received it. The one that comes from the new supply, the new perfect love interest, the new angel waiting to save the day. The now desperate one looking for answers, looking to have their questions answered … Continue reading The Infamous Message

He Was A Busy Bee

It's been 9 months and I'm still baffled by the crap I find out. I stopped looking long ago but every once in awhile a nugget of "holy shit" information falls into my lap. While I was sleeping (instead of drinking and acting like a damn fool) my darling husband was calling people and pouring … Continue reading He Was A Busy Bee

And Life Keeps Going

I'm still fucked up in ways most people can't imagine. I am multiple people and nobody knows or sees the full me. I still have bad dreams and panic attacks. I still feel alone most of the time and terribly misunderstood. I desperately want to feel safe, but trust no one and nothing. Everything I … Continue reading And Life Keeps Going

Drunk Much

I think he's mad. Just kidding; i know he is! I sent him the papers for custody court over his son. I would call this an over reaction at best. HE has legal custody of his son, if he gave a shit this would be playing out different. However, it's more fun to say your … Continue reading Drunk Much

Cognitive Dissonance 

Thanks to the darling husband, I've been able to expand my educational horizon. "Cognitive dissonance is a concept in social psychology. It is the discomfort felt by a person who holds conflicting ideas, beliefs or values at the same time. In this state, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment. Reacting to this … Continue reading Cognitive Dissonance 

It’s In The Eyes

He came over last week sometime and he was just sitting in front of me and I could see him working up the tears......and it hit me! His eyes aren't blue anymore! They are gray, and the center seems much more deeply black and empty. It took me by surprise to the point where I … Continue reading It’s In The Eyes

Happy Anniversary 

One year ago. Today. I married the man I am now separated from. I thought I'd be indifferent today, but I'm not. I'd like to crawl into a closet with a bottle of wine, or two or three. At the same time, I guess marrying me actually did me a favor. It gave him the … Continue reading Happy Anniversary 

That’s A Wrap!

When they no longer need you for anything; that's it. Nothing. No calls. No texts. No goodbye. That's just it. You can feel it in your heart or soul or whatever. The emptiness. And that's what came to mind......... You're standing there and you find out you were on a movie set and he was … Continue reading That’s A Wrap!

Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

I was at work a few days ago and having a hard time focusing, thinking, interacting, ect (I understand this to be part of PTSD) I had a co-worker who is not aware of the current events taking place in my life, she just could tell it was a bad day. She was talking and … Continue reading Twenty Years From Now, Twenty Years Ago

Open Letter to the Rest of the World

It seems as though I have people in my life that think I write this for them. Well, I don't. I've been told stop writing everything and "move on". Stop talking about it so much, it really just needs to be put in the past so you can "move on". Yeah, what an asshole, you … Continue reading Open Letter to the Rest of the World

The Pathological Liar

This concept doesn't make sense to me. He lies and lies and tells more lies. When presented with evidence on the contrary, he can come up with anything to say that counteracts or invalidates what you are plainly showing him. It's a skill beyond my comprehension. Some people say they believe their lies and some … Continue reading The Pathological Liar

The Game Changed

So I'm at the tail end of a new game. Once again, one I was too stupid to realize I was playing. He figured out the old game wasn't going to work. That he was indeed not coming back here. So he completely changed the game and tactic. He continues to take advantage in every … Continue reading The Game Changed

Wasted Intelligence 

My husband is so freakin smart. He could do anything. He just can't stay on one path long and accomplish anything. Three years ago, after we talked about it, he wanted to go to college. He was so determined and he swore he was going to finish because "everyone always expects him to fail", "everyone … Continue reading Wasted Intelligence 

Nothing New To See Here

He won't bother to make a plan to see his children. I ask him, too much in fact. Oh, he's just been busy.....working his ass off. He's gonna have a phone and car in the morning. And "his own" place in six days! Yes, I made the shitty comment "you wanted to see your kids … Continue reading Nothing New To See Here

The Blame Game

When you realize YOU just became the back up plan. Discarding ME meant discarding his children. The ones that "he misses so much". And he got a job, but I refuse to believe from sun up to sun down he's there every single day. Anyway, he was supposed to watch the kids tomorrow so I … Continue reading The Blame Game

Honor Thy Father?

This is the shortened conversation I had with him regarding his son. Me-you need to talk to his mother. Him-I have nothing to say to that bitch. Me-you actually have to come up with some kind of parenting agreement. Him-tough shit, you handle since you think you know what's best for everyone. Me-YOU are his … Continue reading Honor Thy Father?