*you weren’t planned, a surprise from the start, but I had to keep walking and not fall apart.
*I kept you a secret while i tried to think, but he acted so happy and my heart, it did sink.
*A decision to make, not something so small, you were not planned at this time, after all.
*I’d dream we were falling, you and I, from a pier, then into water we’d plunge and I knew death was near. While I was awake, the nightmare lived on, no small decision after all
*The devil was mad and he threatened to tell and I said with sarcasm “then you might as well”.
*and he did, as he drank on a Christmas Day, I was shocked and confused, I didn’t know what to say.
*I should have seen the cold heart, should have heard the loud call, the devil was here and would ruin us all.
*it was a cold rainy night when another did say that he thought he should take my other children away. I was scared, paralyzed with fear, I didn’t see it at first, how close death really was near.
*I just couldn’t think, had no clue what to do, then it all became clear and I sacrificed you.
*With immediate regret, I fought to turn back the clock, but instead this huge pain my mind tried so hard to block.
*I was broken and mad and went to him to say that he’d stolen a part of my life away.
*But as soon as I saw him we both fell apart and all the cold glass melted out of my heart.
*And he made me believe that he was broken too and I thought I deserved every insult he threw.
*All the abuse he dished out and frequent reminders he’d play, never letting me forget that sunny warm day, it was on a red balloon that you floated away 🎈
~ 7 years have gone by and every January I mourn for you all over again.