The Past Is Your Home

     I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make sense out of something that will never be comprehensible. I am so out of touch with just about everyone in my life, or anyone that USED to be in my life. I don’t know how to make it stop. It used to be that I simply couldn’t relate with anyone on any everyday level. Then it felt like things were getting better, I was gaining ground and moving forward. When I stopped for a moment to take inventory, there was no one there. As I looked around, no one was standing there. Not even the people that just stuck around to watch me fail. How did I get here?

       In exactly one week will be our two year anniversary. Two years of being married, for 6 months. I’m married. I have a husband. I’m someone’s wife. I have a wedding ring and a few pictures to prove it. As that two year date approaches, I am more heartbroken now than I was nearing our one year anniversary. 

        I wait patiently to find out what next week will bring. I’ve been nonexistent to him for almost a year now (except the occasional cussing out I’ve received). But as we all know, sociopaths are unpredictable in their timing. Although predictable in their actions. 

        I’m falling off a cliff. Becoming more isolated, more angry, more apathetic. Becoming someone that I completely do not recognize. 

One thought on “The Past Is Your Home

  1. Hang in there. Try and reach out to someone you used to be close with, if possible. It is essential to have support and input from others. Work out a plan to leave if you can… I was in a narcissistic relationship, and it nearly killed me, so glad I got out in time. Sociopaths seem even worse than narcissists… so I hope you can escape. Take care! 🌹

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