I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make sense out of something that will never be comprehensible. I am so out of touch with just about everyone in my life, or anyone that USED to be in my life. I don’t know how to make it stop. It used to be that I simply couldn’t relate with anyone on any everyday level. Then it felt like things were getting better, I was gaining ground and moving forward. When I stopped for a moment to take inventory, there was no one there. As I looked around, no one was standing there. Not even the people that just stuck around to watch me fail. How did I get here?
In exactly one week will be our two year anniversary. Two years of being married, for 6 months. I’m married. I have a husband. I’m someone’s wife. I have a wedding ring and a few pictures to prove it. As that two year date approaches, I am more heartbroken now than I was nearing our one year anniversary.
I wait patiently to find out what next week will bring. I’ve been nonexistent to him for almost a year now (except the occasional cussing out I’ve received). But as we all know, sociopaths are unpredictable in their timing. Although predictable in their actions.
I’m falling off a cliff. Becoming more isolated, more angry, more apathetic. Becoming someone that I completely do not recognize.