The Elephant in the Room

I’ve spent two days allowing myself to be scared of FB and the shit storm Id get if I opened my mouth (like everyone else freely does). I’ve panicked and flashbacked and been made to feel foolish and mocked and dramatic. I’ve cried for two days watching someone I very much look up to spend more time ranting than he does asking about me and these kids. So I did exactly what everyone on FB says to do; “educate yourself” So I did. I’ve watched multiple news videos, documentaries, interviews………and now I understand. Unless you have been eye to eye with a REAL narcissist, you simply CAN NOT see it. Even his nastiest comments don’t compare to my husband as much as his simple day to day conversations.

The grandiosity, the self inflation, the invincible attitude, the “smarter than everyone”, “I can do what I want” mentality. All of it. We see it because we’ve seen it! No one really knows what a narcissist looks like, talks like, acts like. I just watched my husband, minus the millions of dollars. And I feel sick to my stomach; because the reality is…..no one else can see it except the small percentage of us that have lived with it. You can even see it in his family. You can even see the “do what he wants or we’ll catch hell later” look in their eyes. You can see the choked up defending of this man. You can even hear the classic “I am God” just in the way he talks about his own daughter. I’m scared. It’s not just in the crap he says about others, it’s in the way he talks about himself. It’s in the way he perceives others feel about him! At the same time, I won’t feel (dare I say it) triggered on FB anymore, which has been a ptsd nightmare for 2 days., because I know without a doubt I’m not “wrong”. He didn’t run for president cause he gives a damn, he ran because he’s no longer getting his narcissistic feed off those around him. He ran because he is a typical grandiose “I was made for bigger things” narcissist. I respect everyone for their opinions. I understand it was a lot of disgust for Hillary or disgust of the government. I don’t even care who voted for who. I have a whole lot bigger shit to clean up and tomorrow I’ll still be doing this alone. But I will say this;  a narcissist can divide the strongest of friends. This one is dividing the country.

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