I read in support groups a lot from the victim that states they can’t keep going, there’s no end in sight, they’ll be tortured forever. I just have to say; I almost agree. It’s HARD to keep going, the end is never in sight but the onslaught of daily torture at least eases up a bit. I remember falling apart on the floor and trying not to let the kids see me or see how hard it was for me to just move from one place to the next. There were many many days I took inventory, I wasn’t going to make it and I knew it. I prepared for my kids, I had a plan and I knew it was just a matter of time. (and this was even after he left) But one day I saw it all crystal clear. If I was dead……I would give him the greatest gift ever. He could spend the rest of his life milking the fact that he was a poor widower after only a few months of marriage, that he was a poor single dad, barely able to make it financially. He would be set for life. So it was at that time I made the decision that I absolutely would not be giving him that gift. If I had to live with daily torture in the heat of hell, it was better than giving him a lifetime of pity, sympathy and support.
I don’t feel that way anymore. He’s been gone and found new lies to tell that my existence or lack of, wouldn’t do anything for him. So if you’re reading this and you’re at that place of giving up……DON’T. They don’t deserve the sacrifice of anyone.