The Smallest Victims

Children don’t escape without battle wounds too. My daughter is two, I remember after I worked all weekend her behavior would be so bizarre on Mondays. She’d get upset and immediately go run to her bed. I also remember seeing her crying and pointing to her potty training seat and she just kept repeating “I crying, I crying” I think he made her stay in her room. I also know for a fact he would make all the kids sit, even when they were simply too young to be able to sit still a long time. She’d be playing with her dolls and saying “just be still, relax, hush, just sit still”…..and I could hear his voice all over her words. I watched him pick her up once and she stopped moving and just stared at the ceiling. It was such a strange scene for a one year old child. She would wake up every night screaming and I was always sure she wasn’t truly awake. She still has nightmares and wakes up crying. He would get so pissed if he wanted to bitch at me and she was being distracting. I recall him yelling at me once telling me to control the child, but yet I couldn’t go anywhere or take my focus off of him. She’d stand at the gate crying for me and he’d move so I couldn’t see her, he’d start yelling and she’d run to her room.

My six year old suffers the most. He had not started school and so he was home more than the other boys. He was also expected to sit still, be still, be quiet. My life eventually became one big fear that one of the kids would set him off. My six year old still wets the bed at night, and his stepdad would make a huge deal out of it and I can only imagine how shamed and embarrassed my poor child felt. I should have smacked that man in the head with a bat! I can see the difference in his pictures from 3-4 years ago to now. The light in his eyes has dimmed. He is mad all the time, he rages, and screams and tells me he hates me, or tell us all how we all hate him. I watch him from afar and he has zero self confidence, he’s always thinking he’ll get in trouble. He’s afraid of most men. My heart breaks for him. I let that happen. I’d plead with my husband to take it easy, he was only 4/5/6. He was such a shit to them. Ironically, NOW I have people tell me the shit he said about all of us. Never a kind word, never.

I like the picture posted here, it was attached to an article that disputed the theory children are resilient. That the younger they are, the less they remember or are affected. But if you look at the tree, you notice instead that the younger they are the more rooted the traumatic event is in their subconscious. Something to think about.

One thought on “The Smallest Victims

  1. My children displayed rage and anger when we split up, that is the exact reason, the trauma was trapped in their subconscious mind and they had no idea how to let it out or how to display it in a healthy way. People used to say your out now it’s over, but in reality it’s just the beginning.

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