Infinite Headache

Last night I had to go get him of course and it was dark and raining. He wanted me to stop at the store. I can barely see at night, much less in rain. So I see blinking lights ahead and ask what is that. We approached it and it was a street sign, but then he gave me his annoyed tone and said well now you missed the turn. It’s like my brain goes into overdrive and I went I’m gonna fix it right now, got into the right lane. I was already getting anxious and even I wasn’t sure why. Then I realized it was because the power was out everywhere. ……..something was out of the normal, I guess I can’t take that. He asked me why I was so anxious and I didn’t answer so he touched my arm and I jumped a foot into the air. I’m already wrapped tight, DON’T TOUCH ME. He started running his mouth and I said please stop talking. Cause I knew this wasn’t going to go away with him fussing. But no, he says “look lady, I don’t know what you’re damn problem is but you’ve gotten a little too comfortable making punchy comments. I’ll talk whenever I want to” and then there it was……….”you act like a damn beaten puppy, this shit right here is just ridiculous!” “You take shit overboard, nobody did anything that bad to you”.

I guess that’s a “trigger” I keep hearing about….that very first hint of agitation from him and my brain flips and a whole new part of my head takes over and then I’m on Quantum Leap again.!

He says to me (2 days ago) that the abuse “went both ways”. And I can’t continue to hold the past against him, it’s just not fair. When it was only a few months ago; IT’S FAIR!! And the “look at me trying so hard and you’re just so mean” shit is starting again. But his stupid lies continue too. It’s just annoying anymore. I tried talking to him about his son and all he’d reply with was “well if you hadn’t removed his dad from his home”, “I’m sure he’d like his dad here”, “your fault for making his dad leave”. I finally just said FUCK IT and quit bothering. He treated his son like crap, I talked about that long ago so I’m not rehashing it now.

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