“His World” I Just Live In It

I get to spend another weekend with this man. He’s a controlling jerk. He can go WEEKS without even asking about his kids, and now he’s wanting to stay with them every weekend because that’s what he should be doing. He is full of shit. I love how this works;

You haven’t even bothered to ask about your kids in days or weeks. Reply- I figure they are being taken care of, I trust you and know you’d tell me if anything was wrong.

But if something IS wrong; why the hell didn’t you tell me that xyz happened with this kid or that kid?? -Ohhh I thought you trusted me so much.

And boundaries! Holy cow do they have absolutely zero clue what that even means. I’ve said to him so many times, he’s smothering and I need him to back the fuck up! He’s that kid that hugs the puppy too tight. I’m the puppy. Even still.

It creeps me out. Sociopathic people do not see others as individual people. They see their spouses, children, ect as extensions of themselves that they own and control. (this comes from everything I’ve read) Makes sense; he uses often “my wife”, “my kids” and thinks we are his to do as he pleases. (which is easy when your ability to manipulate makes them do it readily)  For example, when I’m pissed as hell at him and he comes and hugs me. I don’t want to be near you, but you choose NOW to come hug me……if I flinch…..he looks at me like I’M crazy and says “you’re my wife, I should be allowed to hug you whenever” He’s gone to touch me, hug me, he’ll even kiss me on the cheek and even though it is clear you’ve invaded my space, he does it anyway. Because “I’m his wife”. Last weekend I was getting ready for work at 5:30am and happened to look over at the door and he’s just standing there. Scared the shit out of me! I’m not used to someone being up that early, and why the fuck are you creeping at the doorway while I’m getting dressed?!? He smiles and says “I just wanted to say good morning”. (in that voice) I ask why the hell are you even in here…..”I can’t come and say good morning to my wife?” <<<< Are you able to see a little better how this works?

He used to do that shit all the time. The bathroom door could be locked and he’d force it open anyway. And then act like a real dumbass “why are you locking the door, I should be able to come in when I want, you’re my wife”. Just like (well not quite) that day I took the kids into the woods to see the sunset and he FOLLOWED us because he wanted to see what I was “really doing”.

LOOKING AT THE SUNSET IDIOT!

But who got bitched at because the baby was left in the house alone? Me. Because if i wasn’t being “sneaky and weird” he wouldn’t have had to walk out there anyway. I’ll never forget him grabbing my arm and jerking me back……he said he was just “lovingly touching my arm to try and calm me down”. IT WAS WEIRD! That was one of the creepier things I picked up on; how quickly their mood switches based on the level of crazy they want you to feel. They simply do not see the emotion of other people. But will quickly tell you how their feelings are being ignored.

He still doesn’t hear the words I say, because that’s not his plan. I’ve said many times “I wouldn’t live with you ever again for anything in the world!!” But he still calls this “his home, “his house”, “his bed”, “his family”.

I think I’m just super pissed I have to spend another few days with him. Another week my divorce is prolonged. He knows what he’s doing. It already gives me a headache, especially if his current texts are a reflection of what it will be like.

Remember the voice? And how it is the last warning before your non-compliance pisses him off? I think we just got there. THAT’S when he scares me. That’s when the lectures of his enormous efforts go on for hours. That’s when he wakes me up at night to cry to me about what the hell ever. That’s when he starts giving me ultimatums and deadlines. This weekend is going to be a nightmare. I just have to try and remember it’s temporary.

I hate the circular conversations of how I’m going “to give him some real answers”. Hey Einstein $3000 to a lawyer WAS your real answer!! But he can’t seem to get served. It’s been 3 months. He doesn’t want “to resort to lawyers. We can work it all out on our own.” Haha! No, you can manipulate and guilt me much easier without a lawyer.

He also thinks that because HE wants to be here and HALF of the kids want him here, then he should be here. That I’m being selfish, and he thought I was all about making my kids happy. And I’m putting my own feelings above everyone else’s. We’re STILL talking about this? He makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out! If I didn’t need to get a paycheck, I’d say “fuck it” and take Saturday off. I can find someone on Sunday. But then I have Nate wanting to know why his dad can’t come over and his dad texting him telling him that I won’t let him see them. 😠

I CAN’T WIN!

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