Alone

That’s what I feel like, I’m just alone. And over something that should be easy…..I can’t find anyone to watch my kids so I can go to work. That’s why he was here all last weekend. I have a good job; and I’m about to lose it. Because of his bullshit. Now that I’m getting desperate he’s of course all kinds of helpful and ready anytime he needs to come keep them. All I keep hearing is “they won’t really fire you”. Ummm.!!! Yes! They will! And Christmas Day. I had to call out on a major holiday. Most people who ever worked know that’s a huge no-no. And I had to do it, first time ever. My daughter has paternal family 30 minutes away. And nobody could BE BOTHERED WITH HER ON CHRISTMAS DAY?!??

He knows I’m getting desperate and he already has a wedge in the door. He’s just waiting for me to cave and “admit” I can’t make it without him. All because nobody can or will watch two kids on a weekend. And that’s the problem I guess, everyone wants their weekends free.

Should it come to that point. Where I no longer have a choice. Everyone will look down on ME. Well it must not have been so bad if you let him move back in. Or you must enjoy it since you let him back. Or if he was that bad with you and the kids then why would you even consider having him come back. Truth be told, it won’t come to that. I’ll secure my kids homes and exit this life before I will ever go back to living as a mental hostage. (more than I already am)

I actually have a career. With benefits and decent pay (I supported 8 people, so you figure it out) I earned a college degree to get here. And my only problem is I CANT FIND A BABYSITTER?!? I feel like this is a joke. All of the “I’ll help you out anytime”…….most haven’t helped me out at all. I’m not one to beg and I’m not one to easily ask for help, but I’ve already passed that point.

I read somewhere earlier; I want to live, not just survive. And that’s where I am, just surviving.

One thought on “Alone

  1. I wish I could be your babysitter, I was left with absolutely nothing after 32 years of marriage. I have no money nor car. I would be helping you and you would be helping me. That’s how victims survive working together hand in hand, step by step. Anyway I pray that it works out and please stay safe.🙏🙏😘

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s