July 24th. Just Another Day

All of this nonsense because he convinced himself I was cheating on him. He would leave for days. I could hardly leave without a child in tow. It’s “almost” comical at this point.


  

July 20, 2015

July 20, Monday
We had already been arguing and he was outside drinking. He came into the house and got into the bed. I got up and went to the couch because I simply don’t want to be around him. I took my phone just like always. He came into the living room and asked who I was texting. I tried to assure him no one and I was doing my typical boring dead people research. He didn’t believe me and told me to give him my phone. I refused and at that time there was a physical attempt on both sides; him to get it and me to keep it. Of course he got it and discovered I put a passcode on it. Not because I was hiding anything, but because I was tired of him thinking he had the power and right to demand to be able to go through my things whenever he wanted. He stated he would smash it if I didn’t unlock it and I still refused. He had been drinking and I was getting scared, so I went upstairs and got my sons cellphone. He repeated that he’d smash it and I still refused to unlock it. I asked him to calm down and give me my phone or I would call the police. He stated that was proof I was hiding something and even said “hey kids, your mom is a cheating whore!!” Two of my boys were standing at the top of the stairs.

I called 911 and he ran out the back door. I pointed the police to the shed where I assumed he was at and he wasn’t. He had taken my cellphone and my car keys with him. The officer called his cellphone. He told the officer that called him that he paid the cellphone bill and therefore it was his to take.

He has never paid the cellphone bill, he states that he didn’t say that, but I believe an officer over him any day. The officer also stated to him on the phone that I think he took my car keys. He denied having my keys.
That night he also posted on FB that “if you ask your wife for her phone passcode and she calls 911 instead than she’s probably a cheating whore!” I have no idea where he was or how he got there.

Summer Fun

July 15
He was outside with a friend. He came into the house every 30 minutes or so and smelled like alcohol. I tried to ignore his presence but each time he would come into the bedroom and have more crap to say about how awful I am. This went on for several hours. Each time he came into the house he was more angry than the previous time.

He told me that he was going to kill himself. He said he would take my car and run it off of a bridge. He also said he was going to take my keys and show me “how much control he could really have”. He said a few times “I have nothing to lose anymore. Do you know how much fun a man can have when he doesn’t think he has anything to lose? Do you know how much you truly fucked up? Do you realize making me your enemy was really fucking stupid? You know you never wanted to make me your enemy. You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

I do recall when he said he’d run my car off of a bridge I replied “but I need my car to go to work”. I was in a whole twilight zone mindset by this point; clearly he was “crushed” that’s what I replied with.
All I could do was stare at him and shake my head yes to all of these questions. I took my purse and keys into my room and he went into a rage. Told me I was a selfish bitch, a judgmental bitch, ect. He spit in my direction before storming out.

July 12, 2015

July 12, 2015, Sunday
I got home from work and had planned to pick the boys up in the morning, which he immediately thought was “suspicious”. As soon as I walked in he wanted to “talk”. I was tired, 12 hours in the ER is a super long day. He gets pissed when you don’t reply back. He will define what a conversation is for you when he feels you should be talking as well. Mostly I sat there for an hour listening to him tell me what a selfish bitch I am, how I think I’m better than him, how I’m not in “emerywood anymore”. (One of his favorite saying), this went on and on., he tells me ALL THE TIME how much he hurts and it’s all my fault. But in my head i’m screaming out that a lot of that simply isn’t true! He likes to yell when there’s an audience; and all the windows were open that night and his friend was outside.

He says how he does all the cooking and cleaning (which is laughably untrue!) and how he’s cared for my kids, and done all this stuff “for me”. It’s exhausting and in the end I always end up caving in to feeling so guilty. Our daughter, who was one, was standing at the gate crying and it only took a few minutes of me realizing he wasn’t going to let me walk away and go comfort her and then I was in tears too. He of course made fun of me (a common occurrence when he’s berating me and I get upset).

I said she’s scared and so HE went and picked her up. She stopped crying and just looked at him, he said “oh look, she’s not scared. How good are your mommy instincts now? Huh? Maybe you aren’t the mommy you thought you were!” And so this new line of hell went on for awhile. I was crying and he kept on “why are you crying? You’re so dramatic. Who is watching? Huh? You trying to earn an Emmy? You can knock it off, you aren’t winning any acting awards”

I went into the bedroom with my daughter and changed, he followed me in there. I knew I’d be there awhile so I just sat down on the floor and put her in my lap and he sat down right in front of me too. He just kept on about me being sneaky and lying and what was I really doing. He would yell and I’d flinch. Then he’d yell at me because I flinched. “you’re not scared! Stop pretending you’re scared!” He said at one point in my face “how far are you going to let me get before you call the police?”

He told me he planned to make sure he “destroyed me”. He was going to “publicly ruin the good image that people had of me” And that he knew the “real me”, and that nobody else lived with me, they would be shocked to know “who I really am.” There have been many times that I would pray in my head the neighbors would hear him and call the police.

This went on for a long time and he was in my face not even 2 feet away with her sitting in my lap. She just buried her face in my arm and didn’t move 😞