Finally Moving On

This will start out as a boring story, but stick with me........ It's been three years since I actually talked to a male long enough to develop any sort of interest, and I wasn't planning on it when it started about 7 weeks ago. We never did actually meet in person, although we actively made … Continue reading Finally Moving On

Remember

Yes, I do still think about you. I especially think about you on holidays. I think about how you always had to either ruin them or be the center of superb greatness. Like the Thanksgiving you cooked half the day, remember?- back when you were still showing me how perfect you were? Typically though, you … Continue reading Remember

The Sun On The Horizon

3+ years my child was falling down an endless well....... You don't have to look too far down the archive list to find that time when I just knew I had lost my youngest son forever. He hated me, he told me how he planned to kill me, my presence simply made him mad. He … Continue reading The Sun On The Horizon

Welcome My Son

I fucked up this mothering thing....a lot. I indirectly forced my child to grow up too fast. I leaned on him for support far more often than a standard teenager should be depended on for support. He has seen and heard things he will live with forever. He was the rock that I had in … Continue reading Welcome My Son

This Week

It feels inevitable now; Just when the light begins to shine brighter, an eclipse begins again. This was a bad week. This was a "hide the knives from the eight year old" week. This was a "holy shit, this can't be happening!" week. This was a "oh look, another fake profile just to remind me … Continue reading This Week

You Again?

It was almost a year ago that I had my last major ptsd flashback attack, until tonight. Triggered by the anger of my almost adult son. There I was suddenly back to 2015. Trying to quiet a child, trying not to look panicked, trying to keep busy......and this tiny little voice was trying to say … Continue reading You Again?

Just Go Away

The devil always comes back when he really really wants something. Did I mention his first request was on a Saturday? And that in his world, it's spelled attourney. I know, I thought he was smart at some point too. "Do you have papers?" No, I haven't had time or money to give a damn … Continue reading Just Go Away

Guess Who’s Back

.......and wants divorce papers. Hahahahaha!!! I just paid off my attorney from the 3 county wild goose chase to end up NOT having him successfully served for custody. Did he honestly think I'd chase him all over Georgia? However I politely replied that his state has attorneys as well, and I'd sign papers without any … Continue reading Guess Who’s Back

The Climb Continues

It seems like so long ago. But it still feels like yesterday. Some things have gotten better, some have gotten worse, and still some have stayed the same. I was thinking about it one night and I have been giving myself the "you'll heal with time" speech for a really long time now. So I … Continue reading The Climb Continues

I Can’t Find My Way Home

My children hate me. At least the youngest two, after all, they tell me all the time. Everyday. I think I’d hate me too. I’ve recently placed a word with it; disengaged. I used to be what I considered to be a really good mother. I stress “used to be”. I took for granted that … Continue reading I Can’t Find My Way Home

I Know You

I got a friend request from a bizarre profile on Facebook. Not the first time at all. But I wondered what had triggered this recent round of "let me screw with my wife". His birthday was a few days ago and someone I know felt the need to reach out and see how he was … Continue reading I Know You

Memory Lane…..literally 

I was working, which involves going to people's houses. I had been asked to go to a city a distance away and I wasn't at all happy about it. As I was getting closer though I realized I was headed straight for our old "stomping grounds". Where he lived, where his best friend lived, where … Continue reading Memory Lane…..literally 

Welcome Back

"What the fuck?" stopped covering it a long time ago. Seriously. I could ask myself "is he serious?" But the answer is always YES. So I got on a dating site awhile back......if you haven't done this and you actually want to meet a "nice guy", don't bother. If you are looking for A+ entertainment....go … Continue reading Welcome Back

The Past Is Your Home

     I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make sense out of something that will never be comprehensible. I am so out of touch with just about everyone in my life, or anyone that USED to be in my life. I don't know how to make it stop. It used to be … Continue reading The Past Is Your Home

Let’s Talk Dysfunction 

A few weeks ago I was sitting in my house and a few of the kids were nearby when my phone rang. I looked at it and thought my insides would hit the floor. I said "what the hell!?" "Omg!" "Holy shit!!" All the typical things I'm apt to say. Who was it? My "father … Continue reading Let’s Talk Dysfunction 

The Weight of the World

Maybe I was floating for a little while or maybe I was always drowning and just convinced myself I wasn't anymore. I don't know. But having a minute to think things were improving was nice while it lasted; real or not. I'm at a crossroads in my life that most people never have to face. … Continue reading The Weight of the World

Transparency

Everything is almost so obvious with him these days. His son was here, with me, for part of the holiday break. 20 minutes away. They spoke before he came, and he asked his son "does this mean I'll get to see you?" He never once texted me. He never once texted his sons mother. To … Continue reading Transparency

Narcisstic Much?

My daughter has decided she'll call me by my name. She's two and my name isn't easy for a two year old to say so I have to laugh and it's almost adorable. I remembered how she called her dad by his name and he'd get so pissed. I told him it was only because … Continue reading Narcisstic Much?

Court

We actually had court Oct 15th, a month ago. I never got around to writing about it. So after three counties, four addresses and paying for publication, he was never personally "served". He'd call me and cuss me out for "sending the sheriffs out again." So he knew he was being searched for and why.  … Continue reading Court